


Occasional Peeks Through the Door to Their Lives

by StarlingHawke (Bowm8935)



Series: The World of One Yoosung Kim and Saeran Choi [2]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Abuse, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Children, Dogs, Fluff, Gaming, Hand Jobs, M/M, Talk of adoption, dealing with saeran's depression and ptsd, if those frighten you they are mentioned a few times, of the accidental kind but it's still there, poor writing :D, specifically Yoosung's gaming addiction, there's smut in one chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-09 20:38:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8911132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bowm8935/pseuds/StarlingHawke
Summary: I had an influx of Yooran prompts and since I kept them all in the same "world" (the one I'm slowly setting up in All to Save Them, actually), I decided to put them together in this collection. The ones I have currently written will be in chronological order, but be aware that any added later on may not be. I will update tags as needed and any chapter that is NSFW will be clearly marked so. Also, the titles of the chapters will be the name of the prompt I received. :)These are very lightly edited so I may have missed some mistakes. Also, if I didn't tag anything that should be, let me know and I will correct that.





	1. Will you just accept that I am hopelessly in love with you, and there’s nothing you can do that will change that?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Abuse warning*
> 
> Saeran accidentally lashes out during a flashback and hurts Yoosung. From his POV as he deals with his own emotions from the incident and how Yoosung approaches him after.

_The grass is green. The earth orbits the sun. I am a piece of shit._

There were few things Saeran knew to be concrete truths, but those three he felt fairly certain he could depend on as facts. A close fourth was that his brother was an idiot, followed by his belief that Yoosung was far too good for the likes of a piece of trash like him.

He’d had another flashback, and it felt like they were getting worse. The weird thing was that this time it was triggered by Yoosung’s gentle reminder to take his medicine - a daily event that was more reliable than any alarm and motivated him if for no other reason than to try to be the man Yoosung deserved. Worst of all was that it was in person after Yoosung had fallen asleep playing games at the house he shared with Saeyoung, something he had found completely and utterly adorable as he’d moved the blond to his bed to cuddle him.

The normally welcome suggestion had rent him asunder from reality, bringing back memories of his time at Mint Eye when he’d been in need of another dose to stave off the headaches and the shaking, and in his desperation to re-escape what had turned out to be a living nightmare he’d punched Yoosung when he’d approached to try to bring him back to reality. Which worked, in a horrific way, when he heard the sickening crunch of his fist meeting Yoosung’s jaw and the cry of pain that accompanied it.

Saeyoung had rushed into the kitchen at the sound, immediately restraining him as he stared at his boyfriend wide-eyed and in a veritable panic, frozen in spot while the world wavered around him. Andy had followed, pulling Yoosung to his feet and checking the injury before pulling out an ice pack for him to use. Saeran wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to wipe the raw look of hurt, sadness and pity that Yoosung had flashed him from his memory and, like the coward he was, he’d fled instantly.

 _I don’t deserve him._ The thought reverberated throughout his body, shaking him to his core. He wasn’t an imbecile; he damn well knew he had a long way to go in his recovery yet. But he had been stupid to allow himself to hope that he was well enough to become close to someone. No, he was still too _dangerous_ for that. He’d have to let Yoosung go and hope that when - if- the day came when he’d finally be ‘okay,’ his beloved dork would return.

There was a knock on his door and he jumped, glancing at it warily and reaching up to aggressively wipe the tears from his eyes. Nobody needed to see him like that. “Come in,” he croaked, his voice rough from the emotion swirling throughout him and he cursed himself for sounding weak. He’d had enough of being the weak one when he was young. He wanted to be strong.

With a drawn-out creak, the door opened to admit Yoosung, ice pack still held gingerly against his jaw. Stepping inside, he closed it behind him, gazing at Saeran with such a deep sadness in his eyes that Saeran had to look away to stop the tears from pouring out again. Here was the one person he cared about most in this world, and he’d lashed out at him wrongly and hurt him.

“Saeran…” Yoosung started, moving carefully toward the bed. Saeran scrambled off of it, quickly putting more distance between them, and the action caused Yoosung to pause, a pained expression flitting across his youthful face. “Saeran, please, don’t do that.”

Saeran shook his head, red hair bouncing at the vehemence of the movement. “No, stay back,” he pleaded, voice cracking dangerously. Holding his hands up, he backed away further, mint eyes pleading with purple. “Don’t come any closer. I don’t want to hurt you again.”

Yoosung’s eyes widened for a moment before he let out a sigh, tossing the ice pack aside. “Saeran. It’s okay. It was an accident. I understand that. Look, it’s not that bad,” he said, motioning to the skin mottled with dark purple. Saeran visibly flinched at the sight, wrapping his arms around himself and stumbling into the wall. “It looks worse than it is. I’m okay, really. Just… please, let me come closer.” The fact that he was begging made Saeran feel all the worse; he’d already physically hurt him, but now it appeared that he was causing him emotional distress as well. _Can I do nothing right?_

“No.” It came out more forceful than he meant and he watched Yoosung bite his lip, his brows dipping with the weight behind the word. “This… I can’t do this. I thought I could, but I can’t. I’m not ready.” Saeran turned his head, tilting to glare at the floor as he blinked harshly to fight the burn of tears in his eyes. He grimaced when he heard the pained gasp the other man emitted, knowing that he was as good as ripping his still-beating heart from his chest. _But it’s for his own good,_ he thought, determined to push on. _Yoosung deserves better than the broken man I am._

Letting out a shaky breath, he continued, “I’m too dangerous for you to be around. I can’t… I don’t know how to… Argh!” There was a loud thump as he punched the wall, impervious to the pain spreading through his fist at the action. His whole body shook in frustration as the words he’d so carefully crafted in his mind fled just out of his reach, leaving him sounding like a bumbling idiot. “You deserve to be with someone who is whole and who can… who can lo… who can lo… care for you and treat you like a prince. Not with a loser who can’t tell what’s real and what’s not and who _fucking hit you!”_

Yoosung moved faster than anything he’d ever experienced, closing the distance between them in a mere fraction of a second to pull Saeran into a tight hug. Saeran stiffened at the contact, arms frozen at his sides. “Stop it right now,” Yoosung whispered forcefully into his ear, anger punctuating every syllable. “I knew what I was signing up for when I got into this, and I don’t intend to bail on you now. Recovery isn’t something that happens overnight; I should know that. I’m not going anywhere.”

Saeran pushed against his chest but to no avail; he was normally the stronger of the two, but somehow Yoosung had wrapped himself around him so completely that it wasn’t going to be possible for him to disentangle himself without hurting the blond man more. “Yoosung, let go,” he pleaded, slumping against the wall in defeat. “I’m not the man you deserve.”

Letting out a noise of frustration, Yoosung lifted his head and locked his gaze onto Saeran’s, his eyes burning with anger and an emotion Saeran couldn’t identify readily. “That’s not for you to decide,” he replied, his tone brooking no room for argument. “I’m not going anywhere. I want to help you get through this. So please, stop pushing me away and accept the fact that I am hopelessly in love with you, and there’s nothing you can say that will change that!”

 _Whaaaaat?_ Saeran’s mind stuttered to a stop as he tried to process the bombshell Yoosung dropped on him. With large eyes, he stared down at the man before him in disbelief and shock. Yoosung’s gaze softened and he released his ironclad grip on him, tipping his face up to place a gentle kiss on Saeran’s lips. “I mean it,” he said quietly, reaching out to take Saeran’s limp hand and pulling him over to the raggedy sofa in the room. “I’m not going anywhere. Ever.”

_The grass is green. The earth orbits the sun. Yoosung is the most amazing person on the planet and I definitely don’t deserve him._

So maybe the facts shifted a bit in his mind. It’d been a long time since someone (outside of his idiotic brother who told him every day, multiple times a day, as if he didn’t already _know_ ) had said they loved him. But hell would freeze over before he’d throw away that love, and he would do anything, _anything,_ to change to deserve it.


	2. I think I’m in love with you, and I’m terrified

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoosung's POV as he tracks down his thoughtful boyfriend.

_“Welcome, Yoosung.”_

Yoosung reached back to tuck the Arabic dictionary into his backpack as the gate opened, slipping inside with an ease that showed just how often he visited the home of the Choi twins. Striding up to the door confidently, he punched in the code before pulling it open to finally enter the actual house, slipping off his shoes and making a beeline through the kitchen toward Saeran’s room.

He stepped into the living room that was littered with the empty wrappers of honey butter chips and half-smashed cans of Dr Pepper, a sure sign that Saeyoung had recently worked on a hacking job and that Andy hadn’t yet taken the time to pick it up. The two lovebirds were currently cuddled up on the couch, watching some movie in english that didn’t look remotely familiar to Yoosung. He offered them a wave before turning down the hallway, pausing when he heard Saeyoung shout at him.

“What?” he asked, turning around to glance at the redhead who was currently trying to extract himself from Andy - they were very entangled, in such a manner that Yoosung vaguely wondered how it was even comfortable - before he finally gave up and slumped back into the couch, pecking Andy on the cheek.

“I said~” and Saeyoung elongated the word ridiculously, half-singing it while Yoosing stood waiting, eyebrows raised. “That your _boyfriend_ isn’t _here.”_  Andy nodded in emphasis, rolling their eyes when a high-pitched screech came from the part of the house the two children occupied, expertly disentangling themself from Saeyoung as though it were as easy as breathing. As they disappeared around the corner, Saeyoung straightened and stretched before jumping up and bounding over to Yoosung, engulfing him in a hug. “Buuuuut I’m here, and that’s basically the same thing, right?” He flashed a lopsided grin at Yoosung, winking while pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

Yoosung pushed him away, laughing and shaking his head. “Sorry but no, not really. Where’d he go?” They had talked that morning about the likelihood of Yoosung stopping by (high) and Saeran had seemed eager to see him. Why would he disappear without letting him know?

Saeyoung pouted, shaking his head. “Ahhh, c’mon Yoosung~” When Yoosung didn’t play along, he let out a sigh and shrugged. “No, brother dearest didn’t tell me where he was going. He seemed a little freaked, though.”

Yoosung chewed on the inside of his lip, furrowing his eyebrows in thought. What would Saeran be freaked out about? As far as he knew, nothing had happened recently that would have had a negative impact on his broody boyfriend. Hmm. He’d have to do some investigating. “Okay. Thanks, Saeyoung,” he said, turning around to head back out.

“Wait!” Saeyoung called out, falling into step beside him. “Do you know where he is? I’ll drive you if you want.”

Yoosung hesitated, casting a glance at him from the corner of his eye. He wasn’t particularly fond of his friend’s driving abilities, but Saeran had more than one hiding spot. A few were close, but one was decently far away; it all depended on how far he wanted to get away from people and how upset he was. Weighing his options, Yoosung dithered while Saeyoung stood there, staring, until he finally gave a curt nod.

Let it be known to all that Yoosung was willing to subject himself to the great possibility of death by Saeyoung Choi to find his boyfriend and figure out how to cheer him up.

Saeyoung shouted across the house that he was leaving and received a faint reply before he grabbed Yoosung’s wrist and dragged him to the garage. Choosing a car of the red variety, they hopped in and took off, Yoosung giving directions while clutching onto the seat, terrified.

It wasn’t until the third spot that Yoosung spotted something that made him think Saeran might be there, so he had Saeyoung drive a couple of blocks ahead to not completely give the location away (Saeran would be _pissed_ if he couldn’t escape his brother when he needed to), bolting out of the car and waving him off. Even if he wasn’t here, there was access to the bus so if all else failed, he’d take that.

Shutting off his phone, he dropped it into a pocket on his bag before dodging around the corner, using the hedges as a means to stay out of sight from the road - just in case. Not that Saeyoung couldn’t track them if he _really_ wanted to, but that wasn’t the point.

He walked until he found the small entrance leading back into a tiny grove of trees, stepping as quietly as possible so that he wouldn’t spook Saeran. It didn’t take long to find the opening in the middle that allowed a perfect view of the sky without any buildings jutting up to disrupt the scene. Saeran was there, sitting on a small bench near the old, stone fountain, tossing small pebbles into the water. This was one of the most secluded places he could come; it was on private property, the owner having shown it to Saeran and given him permission to come whenever he wanted after Saeran had saved his life.

He made his way over to the bench, calling out Saeran’s name softly as he approached. Saeran’s movements stilled when Yoosung sat next to him, mint eyes staring dully into the water. His red hair was messier than normal and his signature sweater was hanging off one shoulder uncorrected, the only real indications that anything was wrong.

Yoosung reached out and grabbed one limp hand, smiling when Saeran responded by squeezing back. “Saeyoung said you looked a little freaked out earlier,” he said quietly, worried eyes gazing up at the blank face. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Huffing out some air in indignation, Saeran rumpled his hair even further with his hand. “Figures he’d stick his nose where it doesn’t belong.” It wasn’t an answer, but the fact that he had responded at all meant there was a good chance that if Yoosung just let him lead the conversation, he’d open up.

They sat in silence for a while, the water trickling pleasantly until Saeran tossed another pebble in. Yoosung watched as the ripples died away, startled when his companion blurted out, “did you mean it?”

Switching his gaze from the water to Saeran’s eyes that were filled with uncertainty, Yoosung frowned in confusion. “Did I mean what?”

Saeran turned away, balling his free hand into a fist and letting out a shaky breath. “A few weeks ago, when I… when I lost control,” he started, and Yoosung immediately knew he was talking about the day he’d had a violent flashback and had accidentally hit him, “you… you said that you were hopelessly in love with me. Did you mean it?”

“Oh, that,” Yoosung responded lamely, feeling the heat rise up in his cheeks. He’d honestly hoped that Saeran had forgotten what he’d said in the heat of the moment, it having slipped out before he could stop himself. It wasn’t that it was a lie; Yoosung had been aware for some time now that he was too far gone to turn back. But he’d also known that Saeran wasn’t ready yet. It took him longer to work out his feelings and he was incredibly slow to trust, an understandable reaction to all of the trauma he’d faced in life. Yoosung had intended to keep that little tidbit to himself until he was sure Saeran could handle it, but had failed miserably.

Saeran had turned his gaze back to him and Yoosung could see him preparing to be let down. “I- yes, I did m-mean it,” he answered, stuttering a little from the nerves of being put on the spot. If this was how the conversation was starting, it was going to be deeper than he’d anticipated.

“Oh.” There was a world of emotion in that one syllable as Saeran looked down at their joined hands, clutching Yoosung’s even tighter. A pregnant pause ensued, with Yoosung swearing he was able to feel the tension mounting inside the redhead. Just as he was starting to get nervous, Saeran let out a long breath, shaking his head slightly.

“So you know that I’m not good at this… emotions… thing,” he began, returning to staring at the fountain. “But uh… ever since you said that, I’ve been thinking and trying to figure out the mess I am internally to- to see if I feel the same.” He stopped, the air heavy between them with Yoosung sitting on the edge of his seat. He’d never been in a relationship before but he knew this was important, and he was simultaneously excited and terrified to find out what Saeran had discovered.

Scrubbing his hand through his hair once more, Saeran finally glanced back at Yoosung, his face turning a light shade of red. “I… I think I’m in love with you, too… and I’m terrified.”

Yoosung’s heart started to beat at a much faster pace and a smile blossomed across his face as he leaned forward, cupping Saeran’s cheek and looking straight into his eyes. “That’s okay,” he whispered, squeezing his hand. “I’m scared too.”

Sighing, Saeran shook his head. “I- no, it’s not just that. I mean it is, but it’s also… I don’t wanna hurt you.” It was one of the few times Saeran’s face was open like a book, the raw emotion written across it such a rare glimpse into the man in front of him that Yoosung drank it all up as fast as he could. He knew what Saeran meant, of course; he was worried about any time he would have flashbacks. A valid worry, but one they’d already talked about before. In length.

“Let’s work together to make sure that doesn’t happen, then,” Yoosung said, brushing his thumb across Saeran’s cheekbone slowly. “Okay?”

Saeran nodded, turning his face to kiss Yoosung’s palm before flashing him a small smile. “Okay.”


	3. Come over here and make me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoosung's POV. Yoosung's busy playing games when Saeran tries to talk into eating dinner.

_Tap, tap, tap. Click._

Yoosung’s eyes moved across the screen as he took down his enemy, looting it before turning his character around to run over to the next. The raid his guild had just completed had taken less time than anticipated as they fell into a rhythm as a group, having learned the best way to help each other take down each boss. They were one of the only guilds to have cleared the dungeon on his server and at the rate they were going, they’d be doing a second raid made up of player’s alts soon. This meant Yoosung needed to work on getting better gear for his healer, which unfortunately meant he had to grind. _With_ his healer. Not necessarily the easiest task, but one he dove into nonetheless with the time he had before he needed to study.

A muffled voice worked it way past the battle noises in his headphones and he tugged them down off his ears, casting a quick heal on his character before glancing over his shoulder fleetingly at Saeran. “What was that?” His boyfriend had been sitting on his bed reading while Yoosung played, but he had apparently managed to leave the room and come back with some kimchi and was now leaning in the doorway, two bowls in his hands as he quirked an eyebrow at Yoosung.

“It’s time for dinner, dork,” Saeran said with a hint of humor in his voice. “You finished your raid, so get over here and eat with me.” He moved over to the bed, setting the bowls down on the nightstand and folding his arms across his chest as he smirked at Yoosung.

Yoosung finished off his enemy, clicking to loot quickly. “Just let me finish grinding first. I need to get the materials for some new armor…”

There was a long-suffering sigh from behind him and the light sound of a hand slapping against Saeran’s head. Yoosung ignored it, engaging in another battle by casting one of his few dps spells, intent on meeting his goal.

“Yoosung. It’s time to eat.” Yoosung smiled to himself; he secretly loved it when Saeran got bossy like this. For as much as he loved the freedom he’d discovered since moving out on his own, the grounding presence Saeran brought into his life was a welcome way to remind him to be responsible. He had already been planning to log out after killing this monster, but he liked to see how far he could push his boyfriend sometimes.

He straightened slightly as he steeled himself, trying to make his voice as flat as possible. “Come over here and make me,” he responded, biting his lip while trying to tamp down the laughter he felt rising up. Teasing like this was a whole new world to him and he wasn’t very good at controlling himself yet.

There was a rustle before he was flipped around in his chair, purple eyes staring up into mint that were smoldering intensely. Saeran leaned forward so that their noses were nearly touching, dropping his eyes to look at Yoosung’s lips for a moment before returning his gaze. “You should know better than to say things like that to me,” he replied, and the huskiness now present in his voice made Yoosung shiver, his cheeks heating up. Lowering his head further, Saeran brushed his lips against Yoosung’s and Yoosung gasped, pressing into the kiss greedily. He closed his eyes and let out a small moan, scooting closer to the edge of his chair in an attempt to get closer to Saeran.

Yoosung’s eyes widened and he jerked back when fingers dug into his side, ramming into the back of his chair while he tried to scramble away. Laughter spilled from his lips as the fingers danced over his skin, tickling him while Saeran chuckled lowly, an evil grin on his face. “Y-y-you jerk!” Yoosung wheezed out, hands batting uselessly at the arms of the man in front of him. “Tickling me is n-no fair!”

He felt a kiss pressed to his forehead right before Saeran withdrew, smirking as he turned and headed back to the bed. “You told me to make you, but you didn’t say how,” Saeran answered, sitting down and picking up his bowl. “It’s fair. Now get over here before I decide you need _more_ punishment.”

Yoosung cast a glance back at the monitor to see that his character had died (big surprise, the squishies always do), not bothering to log off as he joined his boyfriend, taking the bowl handed to him. “I’m going to get you back for that,” he huffed, digging into the kimchi with his chopsticks.

“Oh please, see that you do.”


	4. Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed? **NSFW**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ***NSFW*** ***NSFW***
> 
> Saeran finds himself in an empty house when his brother and sister-in-law leave for Christmas. Or maybe it's not as empty as it seems...

When Saeyoung had mentioned that he planned to take Andy back to her native United States for Christmas, Saeran had originally called him an idiot. He was well aware of Andy’s past, having known most of it prior to him involving her in the Mint Eyes mess, and didn’t understand the appeal of taking her somewhere where only bad memories remained. It was comparable to taking him back to their mother’s house, or even the ME headquarters; stupid, idiotic, ridiculous. But Andy had seemed excited to go, so he had just rolled his eyes and walked away.

The house was still decorated in the spirit of the season in the typical obnoxious manner that his brother seemed to prefer, along with the multiple handmade decorations the two children had made. At least those were cute. He shook his head as he passed the tree, the empty Dr. Pepper cans that had been turned into some odd form of angel a bit too much for him.

He let out a small yawn as he crossed the short distance from the bathroom to his bedroom, rubbing a hand through his damp hair. Even though he was alone, he still had a towel wrapped around his waist after the relaxing shower he’d just taken. Yoosung would likely be coming over after class, though Saeran hadn’t thought to confirm his assumption. Not that it mattered, anyway; the blond usually ended up at his place most afternoons anyway.

Pushing open the door, he froze when he saw none other than Yoosung himself laying on his bed. “You’re early,” he said flatly, tilting his head as he observed that his boyfriend was actually laying _under_ the covers for some reason. Was it colder in the house than he’d realized? Perhaps he should check. “Or did you skip class?” He folded his arms and gave Yoosung a disapproving look, waiting to see if the guilty look appeared in his eyes that confirmed his suspicion. When it didn’t, he was slightly taken aback; did he have his days mixed up?

Flashing him a large smile, Yoosung shook his head. “Winter break started today! So I came over when I got up. Hope that’s okay?”

Saeran rolled his eyes and made his way over to his closet. “Absolutely not. How dare you come early, I don’t want to see you yet.” Pausing at the end of the bed, he cast Yoosung a half-amused look. “Of course it’s okay, dork.” Yoosung let out a laugh and sat up a bit, causing the blankets over him to slide down slightly to bare part of his chest. It was then that he noticed a messy pile of clothes on the floor near the end of the bed, and as he peered in confusion at them he saw his boyfriend’s signature hoodie, a shirt, jeans and his b-

Startled, he looked back at Yoosung, a note of panic creeping into his voice. “Uh, is there a _reason_ you’re naked in my bed?” He’d be lying if he said there wasn’t also excitement rising up inside him at the thought, a flame burning hotter deep within. But the panic was still very much present, brought on by the worry that the monster he’d been trying to tame would burst forth and take over. The last thing he wanted to do was to cause harm to Yoosung, and so he’d been very careful about holding back and controlling his desires.

“Is there a reason you’re in a towel?” Yoosung replied, smirking. Saeran blinked in response, not used to this side of his boyfriend. The normally shy and slightly awkward man was putting forward an incredibly flirtatious face and it was obvious that he was aiming for seductive - though with the blush starting to creep up his neck and the fidgeting his fingers were doing, Saeran could tell that he was just as nervous as usual. For some reason unknown to him, Yoosung had apparently decided it was time to move forward in their relationship and that it was up to him to make the first move.

Not that the attempt of seduction was falling flat; no, not in the slightest. It was _definitely_ working, and Saeran could feel himself growing hotter and hotter the longer he stared at the blond in his bed. “Yoosung,” he started carefully, clenching his hands at his sides as he felt his control starting to slip. “What are you doing.” It wasn’t a question, because he already knew the answer. Closing his eyes, he took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down.

“Why don’t you come over here and find out?” His voice was slightly deeper than normal and Saeran could hear both the teasing and longing in it. His nostrils flared and he took a step closer to the bed, placing a hand at the foot of it.

“Are you sure you want this?” he whispered, opening his eyes and raising them to stare directly into Yoosung’s, searching for assurance. “I… don’t know if I can control myself once we begin.”

Yoosung sat forward, placing a palm on Saeran’s chest and smiling up at him. “So don’t.”

Saeran let out a shuddering breath, leaning down to crash his lips into Yoosung’s. One hand reached back to tangle into the blond locks, pulling them closer as he deepened the kiss, suddenly feeling like he was drowning and that Yoosung was the only thing that could save him. Nipping at his bottom lip, Saeran thrust his tongue into Yoosung’s mouth when it opened, wanting desperately to drink up every ounce of the man that he could. His free hand traveled down Yoosung’s chest, moving over the blankets and down the inside of his leg, brushing lightly over Yoosung’s erection. The blond gasped and then let out a low moan, thrusting up slightly at the sensation before bringing his own hand down Saeran’s chest and hooking a finger into the towel still wrapped around his waist. There was a tug and then it fluttered to the ground, Yoosung’s fingers grazing down softly but stuttering to a stop right above Saeran’s own hardening shaft.

Smiling against his lips, Saeran let out a low rumble of a laugh, reaching down to place a hand on top of Yoosung’s frozen one. “Don’t get shy now,” he muttered, directing their hands to the place aching to be touched, groaning deeply when Yoosung hesitantly wrapped his fingers around his cock. The sound was echoed by Yoosung, and he started to drag his hand up and down the shaft slowly, confidence seeming to increase as the volume of Saeran’s grunts of pleasure did.

The feeling was one of absolute bliss, his nerves set on fire as Yoosung touched him. He leaned his forehead against Yoosung’s and closed his eyes, shivering at the welcome sensation. Pleasure ricocheted throughout his body in a manner that he’d never felt before, a pleasure that he wanted to share more than anything else.

Placing a hand on Yoosung’s chest, he pushed him to lay on his back, silently lamenting the loss of the hand that had been touching him. He climbed on the bed and hovered over him, taking a moment to stare into those beautiful purple eyes that had darkened considerably, half-lidded and filled with lust. Yoosung was absolutely breathtaking like this, from his eyes to the way his kiss-swollen lips were barely open to the slight flush coloring his cheeks to the wild way in which his hair was spread out on the dark pillow. Overcome with the emotion he had labeled ‘love,” he bent down and placed a kiss on each eyelid and his nose before lingering on his mouth again. Arms wrapped around him as Yoosung let out a sigh, quickly followed by a gasp when Saeran lowered his hips to grind against him.

The blankets between them _had_ to go. Moving to kiss along Yoosung’s jaw, he reached down and shoved them as far as he could, using a foot to awkwardly finish the job. Giggles rose up from Yoosung and Saraen bit the top of his neck, replacing the noise with a drawn-out moan. Thin fingers grasped his hair and tugged at it, bringing him up from where he’d been nipping soft skin to be pulled into a kiss filled with need.

Responding in kind, Saeran snaked a hand down between them to wrap around both of their erections, sliding up and down once experimentally and shuddering at the corresponding feeling. Yoosung broke away from the kiss to mumble, “f-fuck, that feels so… nngl, s-so good,” thrusting up into the next stroke and drawing a moan from both of them. Saeran buried his face into Yoosung’s shoulder, variating between leaving kisses on it and biting it. He was toeing the line of his ability to hold back, especially knowing this was Yoosung’s first time. It _should_ be easy to stay at the level he was at, though, since they couldn’t go any further without oil, and Saeran certainly didn’t have any of _that_ just lying around.

Yoosung whimpered and bucked into him again, fingers digging into Saeran’s back. The mixture of the pleasure and pain drove him mad and he choked on a sharp breath, biting down harder on the skin in front of him to try to salvage his dwindling grasp on his self-control. Oh, how he wanted to just ravage the man undulating beneath him; to kiss and bite and suck and lick; to torture and tease him until he was a quivering mess by his hands; to use toys and experiment and make him beg for release; to ride him and dominate him so fully, to claim him in every way as his own. He wanted to leave lovebites on every inch of his gorgeous pale skin and to worship him so fully that he’d never consider anyone else.

Breathing raggedly, he pushed himself up on an elbow and attached his lips to Yoosung’s, swallowing every lovely sound he made and working to leave the man breathless on both fronts. He felt Yoosung stiffen slightly beneath him and sped up his strokes, surprised when the man pulled back and batted at his hand, wheezing out a weak “n-no.”

Saeran stopped immediately, sitting up and starting to rise off of him (he had wondered if Yoosung was truly ready for this, and was glad that he’d managed to reign in the monster inside, even if it was by a single hair) when Yoosung pulled him back down into a scorching kiss, fingers scraping down his back as though they hadn’t stopped.

“D-don’t go, I don’t want to stop,” Yoosung whispered against his lips, fingers entangling in red hair again. “But I… I want more.”

Saeran pushed up enough to stare in surprise at him, swallowing thickly at the bashfully needy look on the face before him. “Like what?” he rasped, heart pounding. He _really_ wasn’t prepared for this.

Thrusting up against him and eliciting twin moans, Yoosung gave a shy smile. “Like you. I… I want all of you. Everything you have, i-inside. And don’t say I’m not ready,” he continued quickly when Saeran furrowed his brows and opened his mouth to object. “I’ve thought about it a lot a-and did some uhhh…” Letting out a small cough, his blush deepened as his eyes fell to the side in embarrassment. “Some, er, research on _how_ to do this and um. Yeah, I-I’m ready.” He nodded at the end as though to reassure himself before glancing back up at Saeran out of the corner of his eye. “S-so please, can we?”

Letting out a shuddering breath ( _get back in your_ cage _, monster_ ) Saeran bit his lip and considered him before flashing an apologetic smile. “I’m afraid I don’t have what we need,” he said, not bothering to hide the disappointment in his tone. He was taken aback when Yoosung’s eyes lit up and the blond dug a hand under his pillow.

“Oh! Do you mean this?” he asked, producing a small bottle of oil. Saeran blinked, taking it from him carefully and looking it over.

“Yesssss,” he responded slowly, feeling more heat coil in his belly. Flickering his eyes back to Yoosung, he took a deep breath and asked, “are you absolutely sure?” He wasn’t going to take any chances. This was too important.

Yoosung nodded without hesitation and Saeran dove down to crash their lips together, pouring all of his emotions into it as he flipped open the lid of the bottle and let some of the liquid drip onto his fingers, setting it aside and rubbing them together. He pulled back for a moment to hook Yoosung’s knees on his shoulders, experimentally bending forward, pleased to find out the man was fairly flexible. So he leaned back down to capture swollen lips in another passionate kiss while his fingers trailed slowly down the inside of Yoosung’s leg. Slowly and softly he made his way to his target, circling it once and then again to hear the whine it dragged out of Yoosung before sliding a finger in.

He felt Yoosung clench around him before shuddering, and he slowly moved in circles, dragging his finger along the walls to see if he could manage to find that sweet spot. When Yoosung started to whine, he inserted another, scissoring in between his explorations, always gentle. A third joined and he managed to discover the area that made Yoosung keen loudly, hips bucking up and his eyes rolling back. He continued for a while, going back to rub the spot every now and then, feeling his own traitorous body start to shake with the effort of containing himself.

“More,” came the pleading voice of the man beneath him. “P-please, Saeran… I n-need more!”

Saeran withdrew his fingers and sat back, hands fisted on his thighs even as he turned and placed a kiss on Yoosung’s thigh. “Careful,” he warned, his voice low and husky. “When you say my name like that, I have a hard time keeping the monster caged.” As it was, the monster seemed to be bypassing his cage, one foot already out.

Yoosung looked up at him defiantly as he moaned “Saeran” in the most erotic way he could and Saeran let out a growl, biting the thigh he’d been nuzzling. He reached out and grabbed the oil once more, quickly coating his aching cock with it. Lining it up with Yoosung’s entrance, he closed his eyes and counted to ten as he slid in, putting all of his effort into going slowly to allow Yoosung to adjust to the feeling. His breathing became shallower as he was encased by tight warmth and he clutched tightly to Yoosung’s thighs when he was fully sheathed, giving the blond some time to get used to it.

Letting out a deep groan, Yoosung pushed against him, his mouth hanging open as he panted, gulping when Saeran slowly slid nearly out before slamming back into him. He let out a squeak followed by a long moan, fingers wrapping around red hair to yank on it.

Saeran felt dangerously high on pleasure, the added pain spiking it up further and he increased his pace, bringing one hand down to also wrap around Yoosung’s bouncing erection. He flicked his thumb against the tip where a little pre-cum had dribbled out, relishing the sounds coming from his boyfriend’s mouth. Soon he was stroking in time with his thrusts, feeling the heat building up on his core and trying to tamp it down. He was not going to be the first one to climax; no, that joy needed to belong to Yoosung.

“Fffffuuuuck, Saeran, yes!” Yoosung wailed when Saeran repositioned himself and hit the sweet spot. “Ohhhh, nnngl, don’t stop, don’t you stop dontfuckingstopohmygodSaeran nnnng.” Saeran groaned as the words poured from the man’s mouth, all of them starting to run together into incoherent babbling except for his name.

The last thread of his control snapped and he leaned down to whisper in Yoosung’s ear, “I’m gonna make you fucking _scream_ my name, you’re gonna cum so hard that you won’t be able to see straight and then I’m gonna _keep_ fucking you until I come, and you’re gonna like it.” Yoosung let out another whine, chanting “yes” over and over. Saeran gave him a rough kiss before biting down on his lower lip hard enough to draw blood, licking it away as his thrusts became more erratic. He ran a hand up Yoosung’s chest, tweaking a nipple while his other continued to slide up and down his cock. Growling, Saeran nudged Yoosung’s chin up and dove down to his neck, teeth grazing over the skin before latching on, leaving angry welts in their wake.

With a loud wail, Yoosung tensed up before shouting his name, cock pulsing as he came, seed spraying all over his stomach. Saeran continued thrusting, growling low in his throat as he felt himself near the end, dragging one finger through the mess on Yoosung’s stomach and bringing it up to his lips, sucking it clean. Yoosung let out another moan at the sight, purple eyes wide as they locked onto Saeran’s. “Saeran,” he hummed huskily and that was enough to push him over the edge.

His hips stuttered and he gasped, Yoosung’s name slipping out as he felt the explosion of ecstasy in his body. Pushing himself up, he languidly continued to thrust, drawing out their pleasure as long as he could.

When he stopped, panting, Yoosung dropped his legs back onto the bed, causing Saeran to slide out. Reaching down, he wrapped his fingers around Saeran’s arms and tugged him up, Saeran offering no resistance as he was pulled to lay next to Yoosung. Yoosung snuggled up next to him and Saeran put an arm around his shoulders, listening as Yoosung’s breathing slowed down to a more regular rate. He looked up in surprise when Yoosung suddenly rolled out of bed, walking to the bathroom. When he came back he produced two warm washclothes, offering one to Saeran. Saeran chuckled and took it, cleaning himself up while Yoosung did the same. Tossing the cloth haphazardly on the floor (he could take care of that later when he felt like getting up), he beckoned for Yoosung to come back to him. Dropping his cloth on top of Saeran’s, the blond man crawled over to him, settling in at his side and laying his head on his chest.

Saeran gently ran a finger along Yoosung’s lips, frowning at the memory of making him bleed. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his hand dropping to his chest. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Yoosung made a noise of dismissal, waving a hand vaguely in the air. “It’s fine,” he murmured, pressing closer to Saeran. “I, uh… I actually liked it?” Saeran’s eyebrows shot up in surprise; well, that held some promise for his darker side.

“Let’s stay here for a while and watch some TV or something,” Saeran suggested, reaching down to pull the discarded blankets back over them. Yoosung nodded, reaching over to grab the remote sitting on the nightstand. Together, they flipped through channels until they found a movie they both could stand, and they stayed that way for most of the afternoon.


	5. The Ways You Said I Love You: In a Blissful Sigh as You Fall Asleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoosung is up too late playing games again and Saeran must get him to bed. Saeran's POV.

Saeran’s eyelids felt like lead by the time he stumbled his way to his room, more than ready for bed. He had stayed up late to finish a freelance hacking job he’d agreed to work with Saeyoung on, not necessarily because they needed the money (although this one paid exceptionally well) but out of pure boredom. Saeran hadn’t yet decided what he wanted to ‘be when he grew up,’ and so he often fell back on the only skill he knew, whether or not it was a good one.

Stifling a yawn, he pushed open the door and blinked at the bright light coming from his computer, surprised to see Yoosung still awake and busy playing LOLOL. He checked his phone to make sure he was right about how late it was: yeah, it was 2 am. Tomorrow was a school day… Yoosung shouldn’t technically even still be here, but if he was going to spend the night then Saeran was going to make sure he got to bed. Preferably four hours ago, but he’d made the mistake of assuming Yoosung had left while he was busy.

Walking over to the screen and squinting at it, he determined that Yoosung was just grinding while chatting with guildies. That meant getting him to log off would be significantly easier, in theory. The way that boy was glued to the game sometimes was a bit frustrating to him, especially when he disregarded more important things like school.

Placing his hands on Yoosung’s shoulders, he smirked when the blond jumped in surprise. Leaning over, he pushed the headphones off one ear and whispered, “hey dork, it’s time to log off and get to bed.”

“Not yet,” Yoosung replied, Saeran raising an eyebrow at the distinct undertone of whininess he heard in those two words. Yoosung’s eyes darted across the screen and he tapped keys madly as he focused on whatever creature he had decided needed slaying. Rolling his eyes, Saeran moved around to the side of the chair and planted himself in the blond’s lap, leaning his elbow on the desk and weaving his other hand through Yoosung’s hair. Yoosung looked up at him when he leaned over to block the screen, purple eyes going wide as he tried to silently beg Saeran to move. Saeran raised his eyebrows, the corner of his lips turning up as he massaged the back of Yoosung’s head, chuckling under his breath when his boyfriend let out a small moan and leaned back into his hand.

“Go to bed,” Saeran said firmly, shaking his head when Yoosung started to protest again. “My computer, my rules. Come to bed, dork.” Standing up, he held out a hand expectantly, a feeling of satisfaction arising when Yoosung huffed and logged out, pulling off his headphones before joining him.

“You know, you’re not my mom,” Yoosung complained once they were cuddled inside of the blanket burrito Saeran had encased them in. Saeran hid a smile, pulling a blanket up to his chin and letting his eyes fall closed. Finally.

“No, I’m not, but I can’t let you play all night at my place when you have class in the morning. Somebody has to keep you on track,” he mumbled sleepily, pulling him closer when Yoosung turned over, laying his head on Saeran’s chest. He adored the way the blond hair felt when it tickled across his chest, just another simple reminder of the man he loved.

Yoosung let out a sleepy sigh, his voice blissful when he whispered, “I love you.” He buried his head into Saeran’s chest, his breathing starting to slow.

Pressing a kiss to the messy hair, Saeran let out a sigh of his own. “I love you too.”


	6. It Looks Good on You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeran's POV. Yoosung accidentally spent the night and doesn't have extra clothes to wear to school.

The grass was a soft green and pleasant against Saeran’s neck and arms as he laid there, gazing up at the fluffy clouds overhead. The sky was darkening, fading into the purples and pinks that heralded the coming of night and a cool breeze swept through, ruffling his hair that had finally returned to its natural shade of red. He felt the man next to him shiver and he dropped an arm from behind his head, curling it around hoodie-covered shoulders and pulling the blond closer to him, a small smile crossing his face when he felt Yoosung settle upon his chest. It was rare to have days like this, where they could be out away from the city and all the noise that came with it, laying together, alone, to just watch the sky. It was even rarer that Yoosung could remain still for this long, his energy levels usually too high to not be fidgeting with something.

Burying his nose into the bright hair, he let out a sigh of happiness; he’d never admit it, but he was glad that Saeyoung had persisted in helping him. Without his idiot brother, he’d never have met the angel in his arms.

A loud blaring burst through the clearing, startling Saeran and causing him to press Yoosung tighter against him. Yoosung let out a groan, running a hand through his hair and mumbling incoherently. The world around them started to waver, the sky turning grey and the gentle tickle of the grass morphing into the softness that was his cocoon of blankets and bed. He blinked open his eyes as Yoosung pulled away, sitting up slowly to rub the heels of his hands into his eyes. A strangled curse followed by the feeling of Yoosung flying off the bed made Saeran withdraw his hands, watching in confusion as the blond stumbled around the room in a panicked daze.

“What’s wrong?” Saeran asked, the side of his lips twitching up when Yoosung stumbled and just caught himself on the wall, trying to yank up his jeans quickly. Extracting himself from the warmth of the blankets - which had significantly decreased in his boyfriend’s absence - he swung his legs over the side of the bed, tilting his head in confusion when Yoosung bolted into the bathroom.

“I didn’t mean to spend the night! I have class in 20 minutes,” came the echoing response as the water switched on, followed by the sounds of him brushing his teeth hurriedly. Saeran frowned and stood up, walking over to where Yoosung had left some of his school books out the previous night and carefully shut them, slipping them into his bag to try to help him get ready. The faucet shut off - and Saeran thought it was lucky that Yoosung had some of his personal care stuff stored at his place because otherwise that would’ve really sucked - and Yoosung continued, “I don’t have clean clothes. I should’ve went home last night. Ugh, I can’t go to school wearing this shirt, it’s a mess.”

Saeran stood up, zipping the bag and setting it on the bed, glancing at his closet. “But your jeans are alright?” he called as he opened the door, reaching in to dig through his shirts. He wasn’t much taller than Yoosung, but he’d have to be careful if he was going to loan him something or else the smaller man would be swimming in it. Unless that looked like it was the idea…

Yoosung exited the bathroom right as Saeran settled on something, holding up his shirt in resignation. “Yeah. I guess I’ll have to deal with this. Maybe my jacket can cover it up…?”

Rolling his eyes, Saeran tossed two things at Yoosung who dropped his shirt in surprise to catch them, blinking down at them in confusion. “Wear that,” Saeran instructed, pulling out a shirt for himself before moving back to sit on the bed.

Yoosung raised his eyes up to meet Saeran’s, fingers fidgeting with the cloth in his hands. “But these are… are you sure?”

“Just put it on, dork,” he replied, smirking at the quickly blushing man. He settled back, quirking an eyebrow as Yoosung pulled the maroon tanktop over his head followed by the off-white sweater with a diamond pattern across the front. It was, in fact, too big, but Saeran had assumed it would be. Any larger and it would’ve draped off his shoulders and as it was, if it moved off-center, it likely would. But damn, did he like the way it looked on Yoosung. Maybe it was because it somehow fit the personality of the antsy blond in front of him; maybe it was because he was wearing Saeran’s clothes. Either way…

“It looks good on you,” he said, winking. He let out a laugh when Yoosung’s blush deepened, the man finally pulling back his bangs to complete the look. Grabbing the bag next to him, Saeran held it out, raising his eyebrows as he waited for Yoosung to take it.

When Yoosung approached and wrapped a hand around the strap, Saeran quickly reached up and pulled him down into a searing kiss, satisfied at the gasp he received for the action. Letting go, he gently shoved Yoosung back, jerking his head toward the door. “Get going, nerd,” he said fondly, the smirk back in place on his face.

Yoosung let out a shaky laugh, dragging a hand down his face as he turned to leave. “I’ll uh… I’ll be back after class?” he asked, pausing at the doorway to glance back at Saeran. At Saeran’s nod, he walked out, shutting the door behind him and shouting back at whatever idiocy had spouted from Saeyoung’s mouth upon seeing him.

Saeran pulled his shirt over his head, chuckling quietly to himself as he let his mind wander on what would happen when Yoosung returned, still wearing his shirts.

Mmm. What an interesting time it would be, indeed.

* * *

Adorable fanart for this particular chapter can be found [HERE](http://anakito.tumblr.com/post/154440952993/inspired-in-this-one-line-prompt). I recommend you go check it out; it's super cute. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Solely because I had someone message me about this on tumblr: if it's not clear, the beginning is a dream from which Saeran wakes from when the loud blaring of an alarm goes off. :)


	7. Stop complaining, you know you love it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoosung's POV. Just another day in the life of a vet.

The sound of nails clicking across the hardwood floor could be heard from down the hall, followed by a few quiet barks and whines. Yoosung glanced up at the doorway from the paperwork he’d been completing, a smile crossing his face when Saeran entered his office with five dogs trailing behind him, the redhead wearing a rather unamused look on his face. One of the dogs, a golden retriever, bounded over to where Yoosung was sitting, looking up at him expectantly and wagging his tail.

“Hello, Monshi,” Yoosung chuckled, reaching out to scratch the dog behind his ears. “Hope you’re not giving Saeran a bad time today, you rascal.” Monshi barked in response, tail moving even faster after the attention. He was a bit mischievous, always messing with whoever was on duty to watch them. Yoosung had hired two people to rotate shifts between in the small part of his clinic that offered dog-sitting services, and both were intimately familiar with Monshi’s antics. However, the girl scheduled today had called in sick and the other two were busy, so he had begged Saeran to fill in. Saeran had grudgingly accepted, grumbling about not wanting to deal with noisy animals all day even though they both knew that he loved dogs.

Saeran plopped into one of the chairs in front of Yoosung’s desk, grumpily shoving some of his fire-red hair out of his face. The littlest dog, a small maltese named Jinju, hopped up onto his lap without any hesitation, and Saeran started running a hand down her back automatically. “When do these pups get picked up again?” he asked wearily, exhaustion etched in his face.

Yoosung felt a spike of guilt at the level of fatigue he could both see and hear from his boyfriend, knowing he had been up late helping Saeyoung figure out what had been causing a glitch in the most recent batch of cat robots Saeyoung was getting ready to sell in his toy shop. _Technically_ Saeran was employed by Yoosung as the person who handled any IT related issues as well as a backup for any jobs that didn’t require specialized training, so it was well within his “rights” to call him in, but that didn’t make him feel any better about it. At least dog-sitting was a far cry better suited for his grumpy lover than the time he had asked him to sub as a receptionist.

That had been an interesting day.

Yoosung smiled apologetically at Saeran, opening a drawer in his desk to pull out a jar of dog biscuits. “Sorry, it’s only lunch time; most of them don’t get picked up until after dinner.” Tossing each of the dogs a treat, he laughed when Monshi nudged his hand again to try to get another.

“So I’m stuck here until after dinner?” Saeran grumped, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples when Jinju jumped off, running off into a corner to munch on her treat alone. It was silent except for the sound of biscuits being gnawed on as Yoosung regarded Saeran, considering his options.

He stood up and strode around the desk to the mini-fridge to pull out their lunch, handing Saeran what he had packed for him. When Saeran took it from him, slowly popping open the container, Yoosung sat on the edge of his desk, tapping his finger on the lid of his own until he came to a decision. “When the clinic is closed, I’ll take over so you can go home,” he stated, nodding resolutely while the dogs milled around them, each of them staring at the food intently.

Saeran shook his head, finishing the bite he had popped in his mouth before responding. “No, no, it’s fine, I’ll do it.” He waved a hand dismissively when Yoosung gave him an unconvinced look, one side of his mouth lifting. “Really, it’s fine. I can handle them for a bit longer, I suppose.”

Yoosung slid of the desk and sat next to him, laughing softly. “As if it’s really such an inconvenience to you. Stop complaining, babe, you know you love it.” He shoved some food into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully a moment. “But I’ll stay with you anyway.”

Saeran reached over and gave him a gentle shove, rolling his eyes and smirking. “You dork. You don’t have to.” Jinju returned, jumping back up on his lap and trying to stick her face into his food. Chuckling, he held the container out of her reach, dropping his chopsticks in it to pat her gently on the head. “Don’t let these mutts know that I said this, but you’re right,” he whispered conspiratorially, drawing another laugh from Yoosung before digging back into his food.

* * *


	8. The Ways You Said I Love You: On a sunny Tuesday afternoon, the late sunlight glowing in your hair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoosung's POV. Babysitting their niece and nephew and having a serious conversation.

“Remind me how we got roped into babysitting again?” Saeran grumbled as the two kids bolted past him, racing over to the swings with their high-pitched laughter floating behind them.

Turning disbelieving eyes to him, Yoosung let out a small laugh. “Um, well, they kinda asked and you kinda said yes,” he replied, his lips twitching as he held back the smile that threatened to spill forth. Saeran let out a huff and sat on the park bench, eyes following the children closely despite his feigned annoyance. Yoosung shook his head and sat next to him, scooting closer when an arm fell around his shoulders in a gesture that was nearly automatic by now.

He knew for all of his grumping and whining, Saeran actually really enjoyed his niece and nephew. They’d been a part of his life before anyone save Andy and Saeyoung, although the way their relationship began wasn’t exactly conventional… or recommended. To anyone. Apparently the two had stolen his heart long before he knew he could feel anything other than anger, and they adored him. It had taken a long time before he’d been allowed near them again, as Andy was, understandably, quite wary (he had kidnapped them to blackmail her, after all). But once the walls were lowered they had ran back into his arms and his mask of not caring about anyone had crumbled.

“Do you want kids?” Yoosung blinked in surprise as he glanced up at Saeran, who was watching his nephew go down a slide. His face remained neutral as always, but his mint eyes were filled with uncertainty.

Letting out a small sigh, Yoosung sat up and pulled back, gently reaching out to place a hand on Saeran’s cheek, pulling him to meet his eyes. “I used to want them a lot,” he started, searching Saeran’s face for any reaction. Upon seeing nothing, he continued, “but I knew that would be impossible when I chose to be with you. And I’m okay with that.”

Saeran shook his head. “It’s not impossible,” he said softly, dropping his eyes to the ground. “They’ve started allowing single parents to adopt if you’re well-qualified enough, which I think you are.”

“I… what?” Yoosung asked dumbly, mind reeling at two things: 1, the apparent change in adoption regulations and 2, that _Saeran_ had looked into it. Did that mean…?

“Do _you_ want kids?” His heart was racing as he dared to hope that a dream he’d long given up on might yet come true.

There was a pause after his question during which he could see Saeran crafting his response carefully, a technique he’d developed to help him cope with the anger and pain still residing within him. It worked, since he hardly ever let either overwhelm him in touchy conversations anymore, but it did mean that sometimes one had to wait longer for an answer than they wanted.

“I'm… not sure,” he answered slowly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I think so, in a few years, maybe… but then I wonder if I’d even be a decent father-”

Yoosung didn’t even give him the chance to finish. “Of _course_ you’ll be a good father! I’ve seen the way you dote on those kids.” He leaned forward and grabbed both of Saeran’s hands, tilting his head to look up into eyes filled with fear. “Saeran. You’ve come so far since we met, and I bet you’ll make even more progress in the next few years. If you want children, then we’ll try our damndest to adopt some. I know you’ll be fine. Besides, you have me to help.”

Saeran bit his lip, multiple emotions flashing across his face as he gazed at Yoosung. “Do you really… think so?” he asked, glancing back over where the kids were chasing each other around some trees.

Squeezing his hands, Yoosung nodded. “I _know_ so,” he said firmly, smiling up at him. Saeran weakly returned it, running a hand through his hair and Yoosung noted the way the sun lit up the fire-red locks. It was entrancing, and before he knew it he had sat up and kissed him, moving his lips gently across Saeran’s. He kept it chaste since they were in public and with the kids, and when he pulled away, he noted the soft look of love on Saeran’s face that he rarely displayed in public. “I love you, so much,” he said, leaning over on his shoulder. Saeran snaked his arm back around him and pulled him close.

“I love you too.”


	9. 2nd birthday party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just two daddies celebrating their daughter's 2nd birthday:)

“Aaah!” Yoosung quickly lifts the tray of cupcakes, each bearing a number ‘2’ on them in bright pink icing, over his head as children bolt past him, running around their backyard wildly. Shaking his head, he laughs and makes his way over to the picnic table where Saeran is sitting with their daughter in his lap. Instead of running around after her older cousins and the other children that came from her small daycare, Mi Hi opts to stay with her papa, singing quietly in his lap while watching everyone else closely. As Yoosung approaches, she turns her chubby little face up to him and squeals, “daddy!” Setting the tray down, he sits down next to them and she immediately crawls into his lap, reaching up to play with his hair.

Saeran has a smile on his face as he watches and Yoosung notices there’s a fair amount of awe there. It causes him to blush slightly, much to Mi Hi’s delight; she loves whenever he turns colors and starts poking at his cheeks and giggling. “W-why are you looking at me like that?” he asks, starting to sway slowly when Mi Hi pushes on his shoulders, serenading him in an odd mixture of Korean and baby language. Without even thinking about it, he leans his head down against hers, chuckling when she slaps her hands on his cheeks, now using them to move him.

A soft laugh comes from the side and Yoosung glances out of the corner of his eye to see Saeran shifting to look at them straight on, his smile having only grown wider. “Because you’re adorable,” he responds, reaching a hand out to stroke the soft auburn hair of their daughter. “Because you’re such a great dad. Because it’s obvious how much you love her.” Yoosung feels his face flush even more, though he’s not entirely certain why he’s blushing; he’s heard all of this before, many times over the past year that they’ve had her. Saeran lacks confidence in his own parenting abilities but is always lavishing praise on Yoosung, seemingly content to believe only one of them is adequate. In truth, Yoosung doubts his choices as a father on a daily basis, just like any other parent (or so he assumes). The only thing he knows with 100% certainty is that he’d die for this little squirming bundle of limbs in his lap and that she’s the best thing to have ever happened to him, barring Saeran.

“Daddy, baby go?” she asks suddenly, stopping her warbled version of “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.” Frowning, she turned brown eyes onto Saeran, shrugging cutely. “Papa? Papa, baby go?” Saeran holds up a finger and stands up, quickly walking over to the table where the gifts are piled haphazardly, all of the guests having just tossed them on it before separating into little clusters to talk amongst themselves. Outside of Yoosung, Saeyoung and Andy were the only two attempting to initiate conversation with any of the others here; but he figures that has something to do with some unspoken rule of parents bonding with other parents.

Man, you’d think after a year of this, he’d have a better idea of what to do.

“Papa! Yes, baby!” Mi Hi shouts when Saeran withdraws a little baby doll dressed in blue from underneath the table, turning back around to face them. Eyes twinkling (and Yoosung can attest to the fact that the only time he sees this rare sight is when their daughter makes it happen), Saeran cradles the baby against his chest as he walks back, rocking and singing to it quietly. When he sits down and Mi Hi reaches out, he gasps and claims that it’s his baby, causing her to laugh and scramble off of Yoosung’s lap to go ‘rescue’ her doll. It’s a game the two play quite often and it’s cute, or so Yoosung thinks; whenever Saeran brings up that Yoosung is supposedly better at playing with her, this is one thing that immediately flashes to his mind.

Mi Hi swats playfully at Saeran’s arm, hands grasping the baby’s waist and tugging it out of his grip. Yoosung rests his elbow on the picnic table and sets his chin in his hand, smiling as he waits for the next step. Mi Hi is preparing herself too, looking up at Saeran from underneath her bangs with a knowing smile on her face before he swoops her up, clutching her to his chest just like he was the doll before. “Well then, you’ll just have to be my baby!” he says, rocking her back and forth and causing her to erupt in giggles.

It’s moments like this that make Yoosung fall in love with him all over again; he’d always known that underneath his insecurities and past the walls he built lurked a man capable of pouring his entire being into loving someone. Saeran never thought he had it in him or that he would ever be able to be the kind of man Yoosung deserved, but Yoosung knew. He saw it from the beginning, and in these moments, these little, blink-and-you’ll-miss-them moments, his heart melted.

Now it was Saeran’s turn to gain a slight red tinge to his cheeks as he looks over at Yoosung, his eyes falling to the side in embarrassment as he sets Mi Hi down on his lap. “What?” he asks quietly, a little more aggressive than Yoosung figures he means to be. “Why are you giving me googly eyes?”

Yoosung laughs, lifting his chin off of his hand and leaning forward, fingers tangling in the red hair to pull him in for a gentle kiss. Mi Hi starts clapping as they break apart, her little cheers of happiness making both of them smile. “I love you,” Yoosung says quietly, meeting Saeran’s gaze head-on. “I love you and this little munchkin so much.”

“Don’t be embarrassing,” Saeran scolds, glancing around at anyone nearby. “But… I love you too. Dork.”

“I luuu ooooo!” comes the drawn out words from Mi Hi as she attempts to echo them, grinning and giggling when they both turn their gazes on her. “Daddy, papa. I luu ooo.”

They both chuckle, Saeran kissing the top of her head while Yoosung reaches out to ruffle her hair. “Happy birthday, baby girl,” Yoosung says, smiling fondly at her. “We’re so happy you could join our family.”

 


	10. The First Time I Saw You: Yoosung's Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember how I said these would eventually be out of order? Here's the start of that. I decided I wanted to write the way they first meet, and I'm leaving it open as to whether or not I pursue it further from Saeran's POV later or not.
> 
> Either way, here is Yoosung approaching Saeran at Saeyoung and Alex's engagement party.

Try as he might, Yoosung couldn’t keep his gaze from wandering back over to the red-headed young man sitting alone at the edge of the couch. Everyone was else was milling about comfortably, either interacting with the happy couple or the children, but Saeran seemed to purposefully be avoiding everyone. Fidgety and quiet, he hadn’t said more than five words all night - not that Yoosung had been counting or anything. He was simply fascinated that while he looked  _ exactly _ like Saeyoung, barring the oddly-colored green eyes, he was obviously a very different person. 

There was a point where Andy’s daughter, 2-year-old Li, had started to toddle over to Saeran and Yoosung’s heart skipped a beat when he saw those sad eyes light up followed by a few twitches of his lips as he tried to hold back a smile. He actually looked happy for a few seconds as she garbled something, giggling while she made her way to him before she was scooped up by Andy and carted back to the group. Yoosung frowned as the little girl was distracted by Saeyoung easily, glancing back to see Saeran sitting in an even more defeated position than before. There was definitely something going on there that he hadn’t been made aware of.

Not that that was unusual, necessarily; he had a feeling the others were hiding things from him, things involving the sudden reappearance of his supposedly dead cousin and the ‘suicide’ (he wasn’t sure he’d ever truly believe that anyone in his life  _ actually _ committed suicide without proof at this point) of V. He knew very little about Saeran’s involvement in the whole thing, but what little he did know made him feel pity for him. But again, he felt that there were a few important things that he hadn’t been told, and the slightly nervous look Alex flashed over her shoulder at the secluded red-head only confirmed that belief. 

Making an impulsive decision, he grabbed two cans of Dr. Pepper and made his way over to Saeran, silently holding out the soda and offering him a wide grin that he hoped came across more confident than he felt. Half a second of shock flitted across the handsome face before it settled back into a more neutral look; it appeared that he was a master of hiding his emotions, just like his brother. The green eyes flickered from Yoosung to the can and back again before he slowly reached out and accepted it, quietly mumbling a ‘thanks’ under his breath. Taking that as a good sign, Yoosung plopped down on the couch about an arm’s length away; close enough to make it obvious that he was there to try to converse with him but far enough away to allow for personal space. Or so he hoped - his bubble had always been smaller than others’ and with the little he knew about what Saeran had recently gone through, he wouldn’t be surprised if his was larger than normal.

Still, there was something drawing him to this strange new man and so he pushed past the awkwardness he felt rising between them. “Hi, I’m Yoosung!” A small burst of relief filled him at the sound of his cheery voice, and he applauded himself for successfully hiding the sudden doubts that had began to well up. Saeran didn’t say anything, one finger rubbing the side of his soda can while he stared at the floor. The lack of response sent Yoosung into a taildive internally, shoving him forward into full-on babble mode, much to his own horror. “I-I understand if you don’t want to talk, but I thought that I’d at least introduce m-myself. I don’t know know how much Sev-errr, Saeyoung has told you about us, but I’m like his b-best friend! Well, outside of Alex, that is, although I suppose she doesn’t really count, right? Hahaha…”  _ Shutupshutupshutupshutup. _ “Oh wait, she is a she today, right?” His eyes widened and he hastily glanced over to the person in question, relieved to find her wearing a dress and obviously flaunting her femininity. “Oh thank God,” he continued, now more talking to himself than Saeran. “You’d think after this long I’d remember to check to see what she wants to go by before I just start talking but nope, not me, I’m too dumb to do that.” He ran a hand down his face and groaned, completely missing the half amused, half bemused look Saeran shot him, his head cocked to the side as he studied the blond who was now turning a rather bright shade of red. “God, I’m just so lucky she doesn’t care too much about pronouns, otherwise she’d have surely kicked my ass by now.”

“She would do that?” Yoosung dropped his hand immediately and jerked his head to gaze in surprise at Saeran, not having expected any sort of response to his mindless rambling. Head tilted to the side, Saeran’s red hair was spread across his forehead and covering most of his right eye, the white tips the only evidence of its previous color. His eyebrows were furrowed and his lips pursed as though he was thinking hard about that particular nugget of information, almost like he was confused. 

It was the first time Yoosung had heard his voice, and it was quiet in that moment. It was a nice voice, actually, one that Yoosung wanted to hear more of. Or, wait, no, was that a weird thing to think about another guy? Scratch that. He just wanted to get Saeran to talk more so that maybe they could be friends.

Letting out a nervous laugh, Yoosung shook his head quickly. “O-oh, no, not literally. In LOLOL. She’s actually really good, when she plays.” Scary good, if he was honest with himself. It was a good thing that she didn’t put forth more time into the game because he was fairly certain his prized ranking would end up changing if she ever chose to.

Saeran sat back again, his gaze returning to the Dr. Pepper in his hands. “Ah,” was all he said, finally sliding the tip of a finger under the tab and opening the can, the hissing release of air feeling oddly loud in their little corner. He took a sip of it and Yoosung followed the movement, only noticing that he was staring when the mint eyes glancing over at him. He felt heat rushing to his cheeks and he turned away, biting his lip and shoving some of his hair out of his eyes. What was he even doing?

Taking in a deep breath, he tried to calm the erratic beating of his heart, deciding maybe that was enough for now. Saeran was having a weird effect on him that he couldn’t quite place, and it was making him mildly uncomfortable. He needed to get away, to let his mind clear so that he could figure out what it meant. “A-anyway, I’ll leave you alone for now. Sorry for being a bother,” he mumbled, quickly standing and starting to walk away. He only made it a few steps before he heard his name called out softly, turning slightly to see that Saeran had also stood and was watching him with a confused expression. 

“... thanks for introducing yourself, Yoosung. It was nice to meet you,” was all the other man said, a hint of a blush appearing on his cheeks before he turned and left the room, leaving Yoosung staring in surprise at his retreating form.

What was this feeling, this fluttering inside of his chest? What did it mean, and why did Saeran invoke it in him?


	11. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeran's POV (first person)
> 
> He's had a rough couple of days. No idea where this is in the timeline ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Depression, flashbacks, wishing of death here. Saeran's not in a good place.

The thing about recovery is that it's a constant uphill battle. It never stops, it never waits and all it takes is one slight misstep to lose the ground you've spent so long fighting for. Sure, they may tell you this in counseling but no amount of planning can truly prepare you for when you go to war on yourself. Unlike on the actual battlefield, you face yourself one-on-one, staring down that bastard who took over your life and wants to keep it as much as you do. They project confidence, bravado and sneer at any attempt you make, ready to pounce as soon as the chance is given. Standing against them, you reek of fear and doubt, and half the time you want to raise the white flag before you even begin. Even so, you may manage to defeat them, to gain some ground and allow yourself to feel victorious for a while. But beware, it’s easy to become complacent and that’s when they’ll strike, shaking you to your very core.

Or maybe that's just me. Granted, I have a few more reasons to be fucked up than the average person, and most them land in the second half of the alphabet. Either way, I’ve been stuck in place for the past few days, trapped in the quicksand of my mind trying to pull me down and suffocate me.

All it took was one comment that shouldn’t have done anything, one seemingly innocuous combination of words said off-handedly to shove me off-balance, sending me falling backwards flailing my arms to try to catch something, _anything_ , to stop my descent back into this madness. Thank god my brother was around and proved his worth for once; without him to help drag me back to reality, I probably would have been lost in the flashback to the point of doing something I’d regret later.

I’m shaken to my core simply because the person sounded like _Her._ I thought I was past this, past needing to be tiptoed around like a piece of glass perched precariously on the edge of the table of sanity, lest I fall and shatter into a million sharp and dangerous pieces. Yet here I am, mired in mud, claws out and fangs bared at anyone who comes near me. The fear has risen up again and I’m pushing everyone away, no matter how much I actually _don’t_ want to.

I fear I may have pushed Yoosung too far. But what can I do, other than apologize and hope he forgives me? I’ve never hidden how perilous it is to be close to me, never kept it a secret that at any moment I could essentially turn feral despite every attempt not to. Even with that knowledge, he chose to continue to pursue me, chose to continue to talk to me and push me (gently) to let him into my life. But how long can anyone, even someone as kind and patient as him, handle someone as toxic as me?

Today is the third day of this. My room is cold and sterile, just like I like it, not a hint of mess or clutter anywhere. It’s empty except for the bed, dresser, computer desk and accompanying computer. There are a few pictures but they’re currently facing down, flipped over when I couldn’t handle his smile any more. It’s always so bright, full of joy and genuine happiness that all it takes is a look to either make or break me. Right now, it would break me.

I know Saeyoung is concerned because I haven’t eaten much the past few days, but I can’t eat like this. My mind is busy, far too occupied with staving off all of the unhealthy coping mechanisms I developed over my time at Mint Eye. I want a cigarette; I want the medicine to make the pain go away. When I spiral like this, everything hurts; my joints, my muscles, my stomach, my head. It’s obvious to me now that part of the issues I had as a young adult stemmed from depression, but no one opted to treated it as such. Instead, She fed me a cocktail of drugs, promising to strengthen my compromised immune system, to take away the pain and help me find paradise. Did it work? In a way, I suppose, but was the price worth it? To be addicted and high constantly, to be easier to brainwash, to become a monster…

This room is my haven. My quiet, empty haven. I retreat to it when I feel threatened and I don’t come out unless necessary until I feel safe. It probably hurts my brother to know that I don’t feel safe in his house, but it’s not meant to be personal; it’s just another thing I’m trying to overcome. Years of believing he’d abandoned me and hating him doesn’t just disappear overnight. I know he loves me, and I know he regrets leaving me in Their hands all those years ago, but that knowledge isn’t enough sometimes. One day I hope to be able to trust him again, but for now… I’m working on it.

The bed is soft, softer than I’ve ever had before coming here. I hated it at first; I didn’t want to be here. I firmly believed we both deserved death and having something so nice seemed insulting. But as I lay here on it, looking up at the ceiling painted to reflect the sky filled with clouds, I wouldn’t trade it. Even when I feel like this. I lift up a finger and trace the clouds, recalling when Yoosung and I had painted them. It had been fun; messy, but fun. We both ended up with paint in our hair and laughing like idiots, but it’s one of my favorite memories. His idea, of course; he thought maybe having the ability to look at ‘clouds’ when I retreated into myself might help.

He might be right. But then again, he seems to usually be.

Some days I sincerely want to die. The old thoughts creep in about me being a mistake, an error, someone who should never have been born. My family didn’t want me, so obviously I shouldn’t have lived, right? I was born wrong, so wrong that no one, not even my twin brother, could love me. Everyone promised me things but then broke them; everyone eventually betrayed or left me. Those days I get angry easier; I lash out more. Saeyoung just stands and takes it out of some stupid sense of justice, thinking he deserves my wrath. Yoosung has found ways to calm me so that I’m not even able to notice that he’s doing it, but he not before I say some terrible things. He’s so strong, stronger than I have ever been. I don’t understand him, but I _do_ love him.

Andy’s a little different than the rest. There’s an excellent reason for that, though, and after everything I put them through, I certainly would expect nothing different. They’ll take the kids and wrangle them out of my way mostly. Some days they’ll talk to me patiently and kindly, other days it’s obvious there’s a lot of pent-up frustration and anger simmering beneath the surface. They’ve been through so much too; I don’t hold any of it against them.

My finger drops and I let my hand fall limply onto the bed beside me. I don’t know how to push past this. I’m not smart like Saeyoung. I’m not strong like Yoosung. I’m not determined like Andy. I’m weak, scared and lost. I doubt that’ll ever change.

The soft knocking on my door has me swinging my eyes over in its direction, raising an eyebrow. Who would be bothering me? No one has tried talking to me since yesterday afternoon. Choosing to ignore it, I roll on my side to face away, not interesting in company. The knock sounds again and I seriously contemplate dragging a pillow over my head to muffle it. Maybe if mysterious person knocks again, I will…

But a third knock doesn’t come. Instead, my phone lights up with a soft _ding!_ I blink at it before sighing and reaching out to wrap my fingers around it, pulling it over to me from where it is sitting on the other side of the bed. It’s Yoosung. Should I open it? If I open it, I’ll probably want to respond, and if I respond, well… there’s no saying I’ll be nice. I promise I’m not mean on purpose to him, it just… slips out sometimes. When I let my opponent overpower me temporarily. Slipping back down the uphill battle…

Okay, well. May as well see what it says. 

> _Yoosung: Hey! I’m at your door, can I come in? I brought you something ^^_

Oh. I deliberately type my answer slow, doing my best to give a warning without sounding too much like a dick.

> _Me: If you think that’s wise…_

I barely hear the responding chirp on the other side of the door before he opens it, his smile subdued but nonetheless there. One look at him tells me all I need to know; I’ve hurt him, but he’s not down for the count yet. His eyes are guarded but still full of a fondness I don’t deserve, his movements cautious but comfortable. I look away, not feeling worthy to look at him.

“Saeyoung said you haven’t been eating, so I, uh… I stopped by our ice cream shop and got you some of your favorite. I-it’s not what we’d like you to eat, but it’s better than nothing.” The bed dips and I know he’s sitting on the corner, close enough to touch if given permission but far enough to give me space. Always so considerate, even when I don’t deserve it.

Shoving the heels of my hands into my eyes, I rub them, wishing I could get rid of the general haziness I feel is clouding my vision right now. I don’t say anything because I have nothing to say, and the ripples crossing the bed says he’s fidgeting. Still I don’t look at him.

A sigh. “Look, I… I only know the minimum of what happened from Saeyoung, and- and it’s obvious it’s giving you a rough time. I just wanted to remind you that when you’re ready to talk about it, I’m here. Always. Don’t ever forget that, okay?” I know, I want to say. I know that you’re still here, for some reason. Nothing I do seems to scare you away. I can’t decide if that’s good or not.

“Try to eat the ice cream. You need something… Um. I have to go to class, but! If you need anything, just let me know and I’ll come right back.” There’s a pause and then the mattress bounces back up and I hear a slight brushing noise coming from where he is. “Bye, Saeran. I love you.” The sound of the knob turning, and then he’s gone.

I roll over and look at the container of ice cream he sat on my computer desk. Ah. The sound I heard… he’d stood one of the pictures back up. It’s my favorite of the two of us, even though I’m scowling in it. We had went to a festival in the winter. Our faces are flushed from the cold, but he’s still smiling that bright grin of his. Blonde hair peeks out from his blue hat, and he looks positively radiant.

Suddenly I’m on my feet, rushing out of the door to the front of the house. Saeyoung’s in the kitchen and I hear him drop something in surprise as I run past him, but I don’t care. Yoosung is walking down the path to the sidewalk when I burst outside, barefoot and probably looking half wild. “Yoosung!” I call out and he stops, turning back to look at me in confusion.

When I launch myself into his arms he stumbles a few feet before catching himself, laughing quietly and wrapping his arms around me. “Thank you,” I mumble into his neck where I’ve planted my nose, feeling his grip tighten slightly. “I’m sorry. Thank you.”

I feel him pull back slightly and fingers slide under my chin, pulling me up to look into his eyes. “It’s okay. You’re welcome,” he responds, his smile soft as he gazes at me. A kiss is planted on my forehead, then my nose, then my mouth. It’s perfect. He’s perfect. He’s perfect and I don’t deserve him, but he’s _mine._

“Get to class, dork. I love you.” I’m whispering but his chuckle tells me he hears perfectly. Releasing me, he walks backward for a bit, waving, before finally turning around. I watch him leave, silent tears working their way down my cheeks.

I avoid Saeyoung on my way in and sit back down on my bed, ice cream in hand. Staring at the pink dessert, I smile a little. I was wrong earlier; I’m not facing this alone. Even if Yoosung (and my brother, I suppose) can’t be in my head, fighting the battle on the frontlines with me, they’re both there as support.

I will keep going. I will keep moving forward, one small step at a time because it’s the only thing I can do.

**Author's Note:**

> Did you like it? Did you love it? Did you... *gasp* hate it? Let me know! I'm always open for reviews, comments and helpful criticism.  
> I'm here to grow. :)
> 
> You can also find me on Tumblr as [cutiesaeran](http://cutiesaeran.tumblr.com/) or twitter [@MysticHawke](https://twitter.com/MysticHawke/)!


End file.
